Sunday, December 10, 2017

10th of December 2017 - A Sense Of Place

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
10th of December 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

SENSE OF PLACE

I fail to understand what all the fuss is about the proposals for the reconstruction of Picardy Place
 
What is clearly needed is a road configuration that will allow road traffic to move around the city as efficiently as possible and, whilst pedestrians need to be sensibly and safely accommodated, we certainly do not need to be spending the city's scarce funds on special cycle provision. If cyclists do not feel themselves adequate to the task of sharing the carriageway with motor vehicles, they are welcome at any time to dismount and share the facilities provided for pedestrians.
 
As to the metal monstrosities by a local "artist" which currently clog the pavement outside the Cathedral and act as a focus for unruly children and street drinkers, I look forward to these being unceremoniously removed well out of Spurtleshire to the wilds of Calton for the duration of the works. With any luck, they will soon be purloined from their temporary dumping ground by itinerant metal dealers under cover of darkness and we will not have to face the bill for the inconvenience of their return.
 
John Eoin Douglas

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

6th of December 2017 - Blow To Services

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

6th of December 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

BLOW TO SERVICES

It's deeply disturbing that Scotrail has cancelled all services on the Far North and West Highland lines in advance of Storm Caroline.

The company has been making much recently of investment in new rolling stock and motive power but it seems that this has been misplaced. In the days of steam haulage, such precautionary cancellations in advance of forecast weather never took place.

Instead of flimsy modern engineering that dare not be allowed out of the shed in the wrong sort of weather, Scotrail should be placing bulk orders for tried and tested steam locomotives like Flying Scotsman for which blueprints are readily available.

John Eoin Douglas



Friday, November 24, 2017

24th of November 2017 - Chinese Copy

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
24th of November 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

CHINESE COPY

I was astounded to discover that, despite many of the vendors adopting German and Scottish themes, much of the tawdry merchandise on display in Edinburgh's Christmas Markets actually comes from China.

Why not go the whole hog and have a Chinese Market next year? I'm sure that Edinburgh Councillors and Council Officials would be prepared to undertake fact finding missions to the Far East if they thought that this would enable the City to recruit appropriate traders and no doubt Edinburgh Zoo would be prepared to lend out their panda if it would add verisimilitude to such an event.

John Eoin Douglas



Wednesday, November 8, 2017

8th of November 2017 - Quick Entry

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 

8th of November 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

QUICK ENTRY

Inching my way through immigration on returning to the UK recently it occurred to me how much Brexit could improve the speed of the process in future. Only foreigners need have their documents examined whilst UK citizens should be able to speed past the queues with a "Schengen Wave" of their blue passport.

John Eoin Douglas

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

31st of October 2017 - Real Jobs For Bankers

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

31st of October 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

REAL JOBS FOR BANKERS

So, massive redundancies are forecast to occur in the London banking sector as a result of Brexit. Good, I say. These overpaid parasitic bankers will now be available to fill the socially useful albeit low paid agricultural jobs shortly to be vacated by Brexiting Eastern Europeans.

John Eoin Douglas

Friday, October 20, 2017

20th of October 2017 - Don't Spare The Rod

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

20th of October 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

DON'T SPARE THE ROD

I am appalled at the Scottish Government’s ill considered intention to ban the reasonable chastisement of children by their parents.

In my school days, corporal punishment was a way of distinguishing the sheep from the goats. It was only the brightest kids who realised that if an adult hit you, they had lost the argument and that you could continue what you were doing that had attracted their ire but with more discretion and care to avoid detection. The thicker bairns, on the other hand, never made this connection and usually responded compliantly to a good belting.

Since the tawse was abolished in Scottish schools, we have seen generations of feral children growing up into ill mannered and loutish thugs. The few decent parents who attempt to do what schools used to do will now be deprived of a viable means to control their lumpen offspring. And intelligent kids will miss out on a valuable lesson about adult psychology.

John Eoin Douglas


Monday, August 21, 2017

21st of August 2017 - Bell End Substitution

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
21st of August 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
BELL END SUBSTITUTION

Why not, whilst the chimes of Big Ben are absent, substitute them with loudspeakers proclaiming the adhan (the Islamic call to prayer)? One would doubt that adherents of the other Abrahamic faiths would object and it would provide a perfect opportunity to demonstrate our nation's commitment to a multifaith and multicultural society in these uncertain times.

John Eoin Douglas

Thursday, July 27, 2017

27th of July 2017 - Evil Weeds

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
27th of July 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,
 
EVIL WEEDS

I was astounded to learn that Durham police are no longer intending to prosecute non-commercial growers of cannabis plants. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/cannabis-users-allowed-grow-drugs-6111926 
 
What they don't seem to realise is that these addictive weeds grow like courgettes and we all know just how much trouble courgette growers have giving away their massive crops.
 
Such selective law enforcement policies can only lead to the privatisation of the police force in order to uphold standards and save our youth from the ravages of these evil plants.

John Eoin Douglas

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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

19th of July 2017 - Speak Piece Cheaply Unto Nation

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
19th of July 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,

SPEAK PIECE CHEAPLY UNTO NATION

I am spectacularly underconcerned at the level of the BBC's remuneration of popular entertainers whose programmes are no doubt marketed by the Corporation at a profit.
 
What is hard to stomach is the proportion of my licence fee being spent on mere newsreaders when surely such "talent" can be sourced cheaply from regional programmes. Even better, with Brexit in prospect, the BBC should look to recruit more broadcasters from our former colonies in the West Indies where wages may be low but the standards of literacy and spoken language seem infinitely superior to those currently obtaining in this benighted land.

John Eoin Douglas


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

20th of June 2017 - Quantitative Easing

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
20th of June 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,

QUANTITATATIVE EASING

Coming up to the anniversary of the referendum and as the Brexit talks start in earnest, it is time for the government to indicate how it intends to proceed with legalising Imperial measures to once again allow traders to sell apples by the pound and petrol by the gallon if they so wish.
 
For many of us, getting rid of compulsory Metrication was the main reason for voting to leave the EU. It would be a disgrace if metric fetishists in the civil service were allowed to obstruct this noble aim leaving us only with the negative aspects of Brexit!

John Eoin Douglas

Thursday, May 4, 2017

4th of May 2017 - Polling Shock

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

4th of May 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
POLLING SHOCK

Whilst attempting to arrange a lift to the Polling Station this morning I was somewhat discomfited when the Greens told me to walk or use a bicycle.
 
Although I did not vote for them, the Tories were kind enough to send me something satisfyingly large, noisy and polluting.

John Eoin Douglas


Virus-free. www.avast.com

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

28th of March 2017 - Nice House

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
28th of March 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
NICE HOUSE

Now that Northern Ireland politicians have shown that they have no further use for the building, I wonder if it would be possible to have the graceful Stormont House dismantled and re-erected in Edinburgh as a welcome replacement for the dismal concrete shed that currently houses the Scottish Parliament.
 
If Mrs May were to facilitate this, I feel sure that MSPs would demonstrate Scotland's gratitude by abandoning any call for a second independence referendum.
 
John Eoin Douglas

Friday, March 17, 2017

17th of March 2017 - Edit This

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
17th of March 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
EDIT THIS

George Osborne's appointment as editor of the London Evening Standard whilst retaining his day job as MP indicates that journalism is a bit of a sinecure. Especially if one eschews alcohol and avoids the pub at lunchtime.
 
John Eoin Douglas

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

15th of March 2017 - Referendum Suggestion

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
15th of March 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
REFERENDUM SUGGESTION
 
I'm sick of the squabbling as to whether or not Scottish people want another Independence referendum. Politicians have vested interests and pollsters are frequently wrong. Let's settle it once and for all (unless circumstances materially change) by holding a referendum to see if Scots want another Independence referendum.
 
John Eoin Douglas

Monday, February 27, 2017

27th of February 2017 - Miscounting Of Beans

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
27th of February 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
MISCOUNTING OF BEANS
 
If a world class firm of beancounters can't get it right for an awards show, should they be trusted to provide audit and business consultancy to governments and companies?

John Eoin Douglas

Saturday, February 11, 2017

11th of February 2017 - No Canny Scot

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
11th of February 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
NO CANNY SCOT

It is obvious that, despite any tenuous connection with the Scottish First Minister, Ronald Coyne the Cambridge undergraduate who burned a £20 note in front of a homeless person is not Scottish. No true Scot would be capable of such an action.

John Eoin Douglas

Monday, February 6, 2017

6th of February 2017 - Setting An Example

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
6th of February 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
SETTING AN EXAMPLE
 
I was fascinated to read the item anent setted streets in the most recent Spurtle ( http://www.broughtonspurtle.org.uk/sites/broughtonspurtle.org.uk/files/backissues/Spurtle%20259%20Final.pdf ).
 
What neither Edinburgh Council nor LCCC mention is the major contribution to road safety made by this traditional road surfacing which forces the operators of pedal cycles to moderate their speed and progress with more care (especially in inclement weather).
 
The Council should return many more of Edinburgh's roads to setts as anything which tackles the plague of inconsiderate pedalists would be beneficial to pedestrians and motor vehicle users alike. Perhaps this could be done to Leith Walk as part of the Tram extension?

John Eoin Douglas

Monday, January 23, 2017

23rd of January 2017 - Rail Buff Query

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
23rd of January 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,

RAIL BUFF QUERY

Is the newly released T2 Trainspotting as big a disappointment to railway enthusiasts as the original film?

John Eoin Douglas