Friday, October 20, 2017

20th of October 2017 - Don't Spare The Rod

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
20th of October 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
DON'T SPARE THE ROD
 
I am appalled at the Scottish Government’s ill considered intention to ban the reasonable chastisement of children by their parents.

In my school days, corporal punishment was a way of distinguishing the sheep from the goats. It was only the brightest kids who realised that if an adult hit you, they had lost the argument and that you could continue what you were doing that had attracted their ire but with more discretion and care to avoid detection. The thicker bairns, on the other hand, never made this connection and usually responded compliantly to a good belting.

Since the tawse was abolished in Scottish schools, we have seen generations of feral children growing up into ill mannered and loutish thugs. The few decent parents who attempt to do what schools used to do will now be deprived of a viable means to control their lumpen offspring. And intelligent kids will miss out on a valuable lesson about adult psychology.

John Eoin Douglas

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Monday, August 21, 2017

21st of August 2017 - Bell End Substitution

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
21st of August 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
BELL END SUBSTITUTION

Why not, whilst the chimes of Big Ben are absent, substitute them with loudspeakers proclaiming the adhan (the Islamic call to prayer)? One would doubt that adherents of the other Abrahamic faiths would object and it would provide a perfect opportunity to demonstrate our nation's commitment to a multifaith and multicultural society in these uncertain times.

John Eoin Douglas

Thursday, July 27, 2017

27th of July 2017 - Evil Weeds

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
27th of July 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,
 
EVIL WEEDS

I was astounded to learn that Durham police are no longer intending to prosecute non-commercial growers of cannabis plants. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/cannabis-users-allowed-grow-drugs-6111926 
 
What they don't seem to realise is that these addictive weeds grow like courgettes and we all know just how much trouble courgette growers have giving away their massive crops.
 
Such selective law enforcement policies can only lead to the privatisation of the police force in order to uphold standards and save our youth from the ravages of these evil plants.

John Eoin Douglas

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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

19th of July 2017 - Speak Piece Cheaply Unto Nation

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
19th of July 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,

SPEAK PIECE CHEAPLY UNTO NATION

I am spectacularly underconcerned at the level of the BBC's remuneration of popular entertainers whose programmes are no doubt marketed by the Corporation at a profit.
 
What is hard to stomach is the proportion of my licence fee being spent on mere newsreaders when surely such "talent" can be sourced cheaply from regional programmes. Even better, with Brexit in prospect, the BBC should look to recruit more broadcasters from our former colonies in the West Indies where wages may be low but the standards of literacy and spoken language seem infinitely superior to those currently obtaining in this benighted land.

John Eoin Douglas


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

20th of June 2017 - Quantitative Easing

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
20th of June 2017
 
Dear Sir/Madam,

QUANTITATATIVE EASING

Coming up to the anniversary of the referendum and as the Brexit talks start in earnest, it is time for the government to indicate how it intends to proceed with legalising Imperial measures to once again allow traders to sell apples by the pound and petrol by the gallon if they so wish.
 
For many of us, getting rid of compulsory Metrication was the main reason for voting to leave the EU. It would be a disgrace if metric fetishists in the civil service were allowed to obstruct this noble aim leaving us only with the negative aspects of Brexit!

John Eoin Douglas

Thursday, May 4, 2017

4th of May 2017 - Polling Shock

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

4th of May 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
POLLING SHOCK

Whilst attempting to arrange a lift to the Polling Station this morning I was somewhat discomfited when the Greens told me to walk or use a bicycle.
 
Although I did not vote for them, the Tories were kind enough to send me something satisfyingly large, noisy and polluting.

John Eoin Douglas


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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

28th of March 2017 - Nice House

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/
 
28th of March 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
NICE HOUSE

Now that Northern Ireland politicians have shown that they have no further use for the building, I wonder if it would be possible to have the graceful Stormont House dismantled and re-erected in Edinburgh as a welcome replacement for the dismal concrete shed that currently houses the Scottish Parliament.
 
If Mrs May were to facilitate this, I feel sure that MSPs would demonstrate Scotland's gratitude by abandoning any call for a second independence referendum.
 
John Eoin Douglas