Sunday, December 10, 2017

10th of December 2017 - A Sense Of Place

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
10th of December 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

SENSE OF PLACE

I fail to understand what all the fuss is about the proposals for the reconstruction of Picardy Place
 
What is clearly needed is a road configuration that will allow road traffic to move around the city as efficiently as possible and, whilst pedestrians need to be sensibly and safely accommodated, we certainly do not need to be spending the city's scarce funds on special cycle provision. If cyclists do not feel themselves adequate to the task of sharing the carriageway with motor vehicles, they are welcome at any time to dismount and share the facilities provided for pedestrians.
 
As to the metal monstrosities by a local "artist" which currently clog the pavement outside the Cathedral and act as a focus for unruly children and street drinkers, I look forward to these being unceremoniously removed well out of Spurtleshire to the wilds of Calton for the duration of the works. With any luck, they will soon be purloined from their temporary dumping ground by itinerant metal dealers under cover of darkness and we will not have to face the bill for the inconvenience of their return.
 
John Eoin Douglas

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

6th of December 2017 - Blow To Services

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

6th of December 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

BLOW TO SERVICES

It's deeply disturbing that Scotrail has cancelled all services on the Far North and West Highland lines in advance of Storm Caroline.

The company has been making much recently of investment in new rolling stock and motive power but it seems that this has been misplaced. In the days of steam haulage, such precautionary cancellations in advance of forecast weather never took place.

Instead of flimsy modern engineering that dare not be allowed out of the shed in the wrong sort of weather, Scotrail should be placing bulk orders for tried and tested steam locomotives like Flying Scotsman for which blueprints are readily available.

John Eoin Douglas



Friday, November 24, 2017

24th of November 2017 - Chinese Copy

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
 
24th of November 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

CHINESE COPY

I was astounded to discover that, despite many of the vendors adopting German and Scottish themes, much of the tawdry merchandise on display in Edinburgh's Christmas Markets actually comes from China.

Why not go the whole hog and have a Chinese Market next year? I'm sure that Edinburgh Councillors and Council Officials would be prepared to undertake fact finding missions to the Far East if they thought that this would enable the City to recruit appropriate traders and no doubt Edinburgh Zoo would be prepared to lend out their panda if it would add verisimilitude to such an event.

John Eoin Douglas



Wednesday, November 8, 2017

8th of November 2017 - Quick Entry

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 

8th of November 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

QUICK ENTRY

Inching my way through immigration on returning to the UK recently it occurred to me how much Brexit could improve the speed of the process in future. Only foreigners need have their documents examined whilst UK citizens should be able to speed past the queues with a "Schengen Wave" of their blue passport.

John Eoin Douglas

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

31st of October 2017 - Real Jobs For Bankers

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

31st of October 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

REAL JOBS FOR BANKERS

So, massive redundancies are forecast to occur in the London banking sector as a result of Brexit. Good, I say. These overpaid parasitic bankers will now be available to fill the socially useful albeit low paid agricultural jobs shortly to be vacated by Brexiting Eastern Europeans.

John Eoin Douglas

Friday, October 20, 2017

20th of October 2017 - Don't Spare The Rod

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/

20th of October 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,

DON'T SPARE THE ROD

I am appalled at the Scottish Government’s ill considered intention to ban the reasonable chastisement of children by their parents.

In my school days, corporal punishment was a way of distinguishing the sheep from the goats. It was only the brightest kids who realised that if an adult hit you, they had lost the argument and that you could continue what you were doing that had attracted their ire but with more discretion and care to avoid detection. The thicker bairns, on the other hand, never made this connection and usually responded compliantly to a good belting.

Since the tawse was abolished in Scottish schools, we have seen generations of feral children growing up into ill mannered and loutish thugs. The few decent parents who attempt to do what schools used to do will now be deprived of a viable means to control their lumpen offspring. And intelligent kids will miss out on a valuable lesson about adult psychology.

John Eoin Douglas


Monday, August 21, 2017

21st of August 2017 - Bell End Substitution

7 Spey Terrace
Edinburgh
EH7 4PX
Telephone: 0131-550 0895
E-mail: JohnEDouglas@gmail.com
Blog: http://johneoindouglas.blogspot.com/ 
21st of August 2017

Dear Sir/Madam,
BELL END SUBSTITUTION

Why not, whilst the chimes of Big Ben are absent, substitute them with loudspeakers proclaiming the adhan (the Islamic call to prayer)? One would doubt that adherents of the other Abrahamic faiths would object and it would provide a perfect opportunity to demonstrate our nation's commitment to a multifaith and multicultural society in these uncertain times.

John Eoin Douglas